Mar 26
The Devil Went Down to Durham
dont be alarmed: this is not a typical blog. it actually has the
thinnest of sports associations - and i think that may be imagined,
also.
Saturday
i drove to Durham, NC to help a female college buddy move.
She’s a oncological pediatric nurse at Duke. this means that she works
with baby’s that have life expectancies counted in weeks. We’ve been
buddies since college - well, i used to spend a lot of time on top of
her roommate - and we were in the Carolina Band together. She takes a
special interest in my son because
- she didnt think i’d ever slow
down enough to be a decent father or husband, so watching me dote over
my boy is funny to her. - of all our friends, i was the first to
settle and actually become a respectable adult (though i didnt bother
until i found out i was gonna be a daddy. - all of her babies die awful, painful deaths. she’s just excited to play with a baby that has all of its hair and doesnt have lines running out of its body.
But the story gets crazier. Her family is
racist - they all HATE minorities. they work with blacks even though all blacks are thugs. They
shop at Jewish stores and use words like ‘yada yada yada’, even though
all Jews are Evil and will burn in hell for killing Jesus. They even
have a couple of Hispanic friends that are, to the man, lazy and jobless.
The ‘N’ word is part of their daily patois. They send emails, which i
sometimes get copied on, from Fox News and the O’Rielly Factor. Pure
Religi-babble and conservative haterism, all of it. Her father, though, is an
old school racist. while carrying her king size bed, i smiled wondering
if he wondered if i’d ever been in it. he’s a physically large man, and well
educated - you dont expect this sort of thing from guys like him. but he wouldnt make eye contact with me or speak directly to
either me or my brother. When we showed up, his wife had to elbow him
to shake hands properly. i’ll never understand why my friend asked us to help
her considering how her family is. It was an uncomfortable day, to say
the least. well, uncomfortable for them. Me and my brother had a load
of fun. we kept flexing our big state college brains, using words like ‘patoi’… or was that ‘pad thai’?. we got the
two-fer: not only did he tell me i spoke well, he complimented Davaal
on getting an education. I"M SERIOUS. he actually seemed impressed that
we managed to escape the troubles of da hood and transcend our natural
born status as secondary beings. i mean, damn, i went to college with
his daughter - that actually involved being enrolled in college. and since i was already there…
Anyways, here’s the point: every time i go to Durham, i’m amazed at
what a complete shithole it is. I don’t know why any high school player
in the world would EVER go to Duke, UNC, NC State or any other school
in North Carolina. I see why they have so many problems. there’s
nothing for those kids to do but get in trouble. I can also see why
these star athletes run their perspective cities. the good-ole-boy
system is very much in command around those parts. Who remembers UNC before Jordan got his big shoe deal? Or Duke? Letting some prick freshman off for date rape could be an 8 or 9 million dollar investment for the city. These bitches need to shut up and know their roles. They need to lay back and take one for their community. Their little slack jawed kids need a new learning center. Baby needs new shoes, and alimoney is the fastest thing smoking these days.
lemme back off for a second: i’m not shitting on
Durham, i LOVE small towns. Small towns are great for raising a family.
But big time college athletes that drip Mojo need room to breathe and
flex. Me and my clique raised mucho hell at Carolina - and we were just frat boys. Columbia was
nearly too small for all the stuff we got into. Looking at Duke, all i
could think was: even if Miami was 0-65, one look at South Beach would
force me to sign my letter and call a press conference. Think on this: crappy
BBQ shack versus brown/white/bronze female buttocks crisping in the sun
year-round. thats not even a hard decision for me. i like buttocks more
than i like BBQ. and i fuckin LOVE BBQ.
as an aside, me and my bro went to the big BBQ place. there was a song
on the radio. i dont know who wrote it, but the song starts with: ‘I’m
a member of a country club‘. so i was singing my ass off in line - i
really havent much shame. see, we have another brother out in Houston - BTW, we’re
all from texas - and we used to play pool for hours at this shitty pool
hall in North Charleston. it was the only place that’d let high schoolers
sneak in. ‘Country Club‘ used to play over and over. Now, my night at
the pool hall aint complete until i’ve heard: Purple Rain, Shout at the
Devil, Sweet Child of Mine, and Freebird. So the white guy ahead of us
in line was laughing at me. when i asked him why, he said this
verbatim: ‘i’m sorry, i just aint never heard a black man sing that
song before.’ Pretty bold words, i coulda been from North Carolina Central - i mighta been a thug. (in khakis)
Well, now he’s heard two. I know you dont see these songs on BET - but then i dont watch BET.
People in Durham need to get out more. They need to outgrow these archaic stereotypes and move into the 21st century. Yeah, i’m a black man who mixes rock and country with his booty-shake. My Yuenglin or crown and coke can only be enjoyed properly with Aerosmith screaming in the background, or the Devil Went Down to Geogia and lots of cigar smoke. Yes, I went to college, but Not on a sports scholarship. My son, like one of my brothers, is half-bred - and i’m proud of them both for being multi-cultural. And if my son plays ball - he’s
not going to some powerhouse school in Backwater, USA. when i go to his
games, i wanna be seated next to some real Honey’s. I want to have a
whole camera phone of photos that’ll get me shot.
Or L.A., or
Austin. Jeez, any of you been on the Boardwalk in San Antonio? or what
about Tampa? Even Charleston is better than Durham. Ya’ll, i can think
of 30 places i’d rather be than Durham for college.
and now, we cue the booty-shake:
