Shots From The Darkside

The world can be divided up into two groups of people Skinny and Fat. Before
you give me the ‘Whoa’ sign and click the add-a-comment button, hear me out. This
is coming from a guy who has walked on both sides of the aisle. Everyone is
either the type of person who can enjoy fried chicken without worry or the type
of person who gains weight thinking about eating chicken. You either have a
fast metabolism or a slow one. I understand that millions of people are
confused as to which they have.

If people think it’s a compliment to suggest that you have, or ought to
have, played football at some point in your life - you’re tubby.

If you’re under 6′ but people refer to you as Big Guy. You’re Tubby. Continue reading “Skinny to Fat Ass and Back again.”

I had no intentions of blogging about this. In fact, I had no intentions of
blogging about anything for a good while.

2 weeks ago I let my brother drag me out the Carolina practice. I know, I know - you think
I’m the kinda homer who’d go to any Carolina
event. Normally, you’d be right. But it’s been 100+ degrees since late July.
There was no way in fuckin hell I was headed out to sweat and watch the team
practice. That’s just dumb. Watching a practice is what you do when you’re lame
and haven’t got shit else to do. We’re like dogs who’ve been cooped up all day
in the laundry room or kitchen. or been locked up in the basement all
day. It’s two weeks ’til Game Day and we can hear our Master jiggling the keys
in the door. It’s all we can do to keep from pissing ourselves like puppies
scratching at the door.

Normally, I’d be right there with ya. But its 100 degrees in Columbia. Has been for a
month and will be for another month. No way in hell I’m headed to practice. I won’t even be at the opening game unless the temperature comes down.

But my black-ass was there sweating. Anyone got a guess as to whom the
first player I spotted was? Ok, ignore the issues with that last sentence -
guess. Blake THE FLAKE Mitchell. That’s what his name would be if he were some
pansy ass cruiser-weight wrestler.

Guess where he was at - no go ahead. - guess.

On the goddamned sideline doing Front-Back-Go’s. Some of you call them
Up-Downs. Some of you call them Mat Drills. Either way, he was there doing push
ups and jogging in place. Whispers in the crowd say he decided to skip classes.
Not just a few classes, either. He missed so many classes that he had to beg
his Professors to ignore his attendance and pass him based on grades alone. Who the hell signs up for a summer class with an attendance policy?

I know about summer classes in Carolina.
The campus has a couple hills appropriately placed by God to make everyone’s life hell. I don’t
know the actual radius of The University of South Carolina. But I do know that,
by mountain bike, it’s a 15 minute ride from the Business Building the School of Music. Did I mention it’s been 100
degrees for about a month? Parking is only at the exterior of the campus. The
Deities decided they wanted to be like the other Big Schools
and ban interior parking during the day. Great, we need another reason to avoid
classes. It was so hot on campus that I didn’t schedule classes between 10 am
and 3pm. We laid around all day drinking ice tea and playing 007 Golden Eye on
the N64.

Enough rambling. I posted this because of an article I read on Blake. Blake hasn’t learned
yet that Steve Spurrier plays no games with no one’s kids. The Old Ball Coach has a destiny. And
some premature balding, pasty white boy won’t get in the way. Blake shoulda got
the message when he got pulled last season for a running QB fresh off an
Achilles injury. A black QB at that. Quick: someone name the last Black QB Spurrier recruited,
much less started. Or try naming the last Spurrier QB to have any running
ability at all? So it’s obvious that even if Spurrier has no issue with the
running black QB, he certainly doesn’t go out of his way to build teams around
them. I’m not saying Spurrier is racist – and I wouldn’t care if he were. I wouldn’t
give a damn if he started 22 Neo-Nazi’s as long as we beat Georgia, Florida,
Tennessee and Arkansas. Either way, Blake cut class –AGAIN. He will face the wrath
of Spurrier – AGAIN.

WTF is wrong with this kid? He must be auditioning for commentary work with Jefferson
Pilot. Their broadcast generally matches his QB skills.

UPSIDE: No one wants Blake under center, anyways. His inability
to hit a moving target is why Sidney Rice is making so much money in the NFL. It’s why we lost 5 games last season to top 15 opponents by an average of 7.2 points. After watching him in practice these years, I know that I can throw the ball
further and more accurately. Also, a P.E. student teacher at my old elementary
school played DB for Carolina
from 2003-2006. He tells me that Blake Stutters in the huddle and regularly got
punked by the defense during practice.

DOWNSIDE: ummm, no real downside. Both of our back up QB’s
have cannons.

Fare thee well, Blake – The Flake – Mitchell. No one will miss
your INTs or your fumbles. I don’t know who you sucked off to get back on the
field, but I’m sure glad you scuffed him with your teeth.

Now we’re ready for SEC play. They could barely contain us with 3 true defensive linemen, a RB with a broken wrist and a QB who couldn’t hit the side of barn from the inside. Those games that came down to the last drive will go our way this year. Our time is now. The finally impediment to our success has taken himself out of the game. Fuck you very kindly Blake, we never knew we didntl miss you so little.

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Dont celebrate that Michael Vick will receive a stiffer sentence than
the drug traffickers who snitched on him to save their asses. Michael
may not even be guilty. But all the prosecutor has to do is convince Mike that he can sway a jury, and Mike will plead. It’s not justice. had the founders known that our legal system would be so perverted, they’d
have taken those parchments and wiped their collective asses. how does it serve justice to pile so many charges on a man that he takes a plea rather take the chance that a jury won’t see reason. i wouldn’t put my life in hands of 9 - 12 white people either. My peers here in SC stand
around the water fountain bitching about getting a Federal Holiday -
MLK Day. yup, they’d rather rather come to work than celebrate an
adulterous, hypocritical preacher. I assure you, having conversations
like these doesn’t assure me that I’d get a fair trial within 150 miles of my house. Martin’s been
death of decades and he can’t get a break. How do i expect simple minded
rednecks to understand the significance of a prosecutor pardoning 4
convicted Drug Traffickers who actually DID the dog fighting to come
after me… the guy who may OR MAY NOT have paid for some of it? Continue reading “A blogger Darkly.”

note *any editing (spell check, etc) will be done tomorrow when i can see the screen.

As i watch a big US attourney go after a QB, i can’t help but shake my head in disgust. How many of you silly bloggers know someone beaten down by tragedy? i won’t bore you with too many examples.

i know a quiet little pharmacist working outside Newberry, SC. 3 years ago she was beaten and raped. nothing was stolen. there was no motive. it happend across the street from where i currently live. She was an old girlfriend from college. a former runner up in the Miss South Carolina contest. A Summa Cum Laude chemistry and pharmacy Honors College student who never scored less than an A on anything in her life. She braved crackhouses and police raids to get a scholarship and attend a decent university. All of that was taken from her for no reason. but the cops still say - 3 years later - that they are doing all they can. They took one statement and bounced. J-E, if your read this, you KNOW who i’m talking about: HER.

But the Feds can investigate a dog fighting charge. Not the crystal meth we’re finding on elementary playgrounds. Not the gangs coming from out west… dogs. or he kids disappearing on their way to school.

oh wait. lets talk about that.

Near my old elementary school lives a pervert. Yup, he’s a convicted serial pedophile. He sits in his truck just outside the radius required of him by law. Police officers can’t do anything. Judges won’t do anything. He’s been printed in the newspaper. Parents have websites out about him. he takes pictures and jerks off in his truck. 2 kids disappeared last year on their way to school. the cops rolled his home, but found nothing. cops say they did evverything they could. the PTA hired an independent company to watch their bus stops.

Meanwhile, the Feds are chasing Mick Vick over some dogs.

that pisses me off. Continue reading “Drunken Blogger: My last words on Vick”

*i had a hateful rant all poised and read to go. but i lost interest. so here’s my backup post.

I dont play games with recruits. No one has any idea what recruit will do once they get underneath the lights. Reggie Bush wasn’t even the top RB coming out of his HS recruiting class. Similarly, coming out of college, he wasn’t the best player in the draft. Yet he was hyped beyond all belief. Now announcers are stuck with hyping the ‘effect’ he has on the opponent game plan rather than the effect he actually has on the scoreboard. Sidney Rice, the #1 WR in the SEC for two years, wasn’t even recruited. Neither was Jerry Rice or Sweetness - so spare me your prognostications on who is returning to which school. you dont know what youre talking about. it doesn’t mater how many kids are returning if the coaching is solid and the schedule is easy. Continue reading “College Football API Rankings: Preseason.”