Shots From The Darkside

I want to coach little league football. lemme state that a little more clearly, i want to coach a pee-wee football team, and i want to play in the division across town from me, and i want to grind my buddy’s team into the ground.

We got into a heated discussion over some dubious play calling in the Gamecock choke-job against Tennessee.  I thought my points were logical. Granted, I do come at things oddly, but it ain’t my fault i think sideways - i don’t do it on purpose. Then after I’d convinced the entire room that Darkside tactics would have worked - therby making him appear the conventional shouting fool - he comes at me with:

“Curt, have you ever even played football?”

See, thats the typical dumb jock answer to any discussion that leaps over their heads. Yeah, i said, I played ball. In fact, I played 2 sports. And I did JROTC. And I was an Tri-state musician. And i was the only Negro that graduated in the top 25 of my senior class (in a 90% black school). I’m not some burned out WR who got into the state college on provisional basis who now lives out his hey day teaching little kids how to cut block. Questioning my intelligence on football and in life doesn’t make your answer the right one.

Not that it matters.

Many people coach at the next level who never actually played ball. Football is checkers, not chess. I take my big guys and slam them against your big guys. Then I either a)run the ball or b)throw the ball. Thats it. It’s super tecmo bowl. Whenever you see something especially clever take place on the field, it wasn’t the genius of the coach that made it happen. It was the stupidity of the players on the field. When ever you see some DB get burned, it’s because he either missed something obvious, or thought something obvious into something huge. In football, coordination is the key. Over thinking will get you beat down.

Overthinking an issue will trip you up every time. This is why I thrash said homeboy by 35 points in every football simulator we play. I beat him in monopoly. I beat him in checkers. I beat him in every game that requires thought. He believes that because he was  a tri-county wideout, he has some knowledge i do not. That’s why when i out menuevered him, he came at me with that stupid question. It was his trump card.

When he comes over, i almost want to hide the alcohol. It’s just a matter of time before he brags on his state champion peewee team.  Somehow teaching little kids to chop each other down invalidates my opinion on everything. I want to fix that. I want to coach a team against his team. I know coaching is more than just play calling. but his grasp of strategy is pedestrian. Thats why his team runs the Wing-t. His grasp on throwing mechanics is the worst i’ve seen since Bernie Kosar. Straight up, guys like my buddy are why talented players like Vince Young have such awful mechanics. He can’t throw the ball further than 20 yards himself, so he doesn’t bother to teach his players any sort of passing attack.

Next Fall, its on, bitches - believe it. Then we’ll see what’s up.