Shots From The Darkside

Lets face it: while the rest of the world is riding Tom Brady’s nuttz, us Cowboy fans are doing our best to lay low. Tom Brady is not only the best QB in the NFL, he’s also benefiting from the greatest series of unfortunate events to befall the NFL. Tom Brady is living proof that free agency has ruined professional football. I won’t even touch the stupidity of calling a team a dynasty for dominating the NFL by 3 field goals. What I’m speaking of is the deplorable state of defense.

Jesus, can anyone in the NFL play defense? Chaos descends into NFL defensive backfields every summer. At the start of training camp, coordinators and coaches have to cobble together some semblance of a defense. The synergy that generally takes years to develop has to come about over night. Coaches overwork players which leads to off season injuries. Before the pathetic Chargers fan knows anything, their defense has become unrecognizable. You might as well throw last year’s programs away because half the players that made tackles in 07 won’t be here in ‘08. Now Ladanian Tomlinson is the greatest RB of all time. Have you seen him this season, he garbage. He’s weak minded and not very fast. I love watching his hissy fits on the sideline. Maybe he should talk to management for hiring Norv Turner instead of kicking the Gatorade bucket all over the towel boy. Maybe he should slap Shawn Merrimen for cheating and being dumb enough to get caught… either way, ya’ll suck again, fool!

Get used to it.

Meanwhile, Peyton Pussy and Tom Brady are still rocking the same offensive lines that got Alexander across Persia. Have you seen Brady in the pocket? He stands up there like a statue. He has eons to throw the ball down field. I ticked off 6 fingers waiting for him to select a target. When it was all said and done, he’d thrown the ball underneath to Wes Welker. What game am I talking about? It doesnt matter what game I’m talking about. Its standard football doctrine: you can only cover someone for so long… especially the baddest white boy since the risen Jesus… and no one beats the Riz…

On to my Cowboys….

It’s grrrrreat to be a Cowboys fan. At this point, nearly every team picked to go all the way is in the gutter. The Steelers will knock off Peyton ‘Citrus Bowl‘ Manning, and then the Pats will knock off the Steelers. In the NFC we have to deal with… no one. No one in the NFC is going to beat us. The NFL sucks balls, and this is how we’ll get to the big game. but thats not even the best part.

NO Drama.

I heard Terrible Owens was gonna blow up last season… didn’t happen. I heard Team Obliterater would prolly blow up this season. I say again, it won’t happen. Pay attention to what went down. The 9ners traded away all their talent and gave up on winning. The Eagles have a fastfood-like turnover rate and he wanted his contract guaranteed. Most of all their QB - Donovan McFlabb - is a turncoat, shoe-shiner who finally understands what it means to play for the Eagles… T.O. is here in Dallas. He’s paid in Dallas. He catches TDs in Dallas.

Ya’ll can kiss my ass in or out of Dallas.

SO what my point? Here’s my point. In a tight situation, i would:

…Dump Tony Homo for kid in DC. I loved that kid at Auburn and Romo always seems like he’s one breath from fuckin up.

…Take Owens over Moss. Moss runs 1 route… the deep out. He also quits on his teams. He quit at Minnesota and he quit at Oakland. Even while T.O. was raising hell in Philly, he lead the league in EVERY WR category. Moss, still only goes deep… In tough situations, Moss can not be trusted.

…take Marion Barber over Julius Jones. Tome for him to go the way of his big brother… to the bench. he’s soft.

…get the ball to Jason Witten. Jason needs to outgrow his cornbread whiteness and go all Shockey on the Cowboys. GET HIM THE FUCKIN BALL…

…put Tank Johnson on notice... keep your ghetto tendencies to yourself. we all know you fit most negative black stereotypes. please prove someone wrong. in Dallas, they’ll bring the electric chair to your house and plug that bitch into the power strip behind your 80″ plasma TV.

…slap he fuck outta Keyshawn ‘The Me The Damn Ball’ Johnson. You damned sell out. I never thought I’d see the day when yo black ass would be on TV chastising someone for being loud or self centered. The Devil is a liar, and you’ll burn in hell for this, Sissy.

Das it,

Happy Thanksgiving Mofo’s