Feb 25
Skinny to Fatass and Back Again… The Ballerz addition
I called myself hitting the hardwood sunday night. The weight’s been coming off slowly but steadily. I’ve been feeling more limber and had more stamina - if stamina even matters 5 years into a marriage. I’m fitting back into slacks and button-ups that I haven’t worn since 2005. All’s well in fat-land. So what do I do? I get caught in reminiscing about the last time I was this small. So i took my sloppy ass back on the court. Here are ten things I know today that I didn’t know 27 hours ago:
- Grown men - as in 25+ years - should never play ball with boys (<25 years ). They run all game for no reason. Every play looked like a damn fire drill. We had guys sprinting all over the god dmn court just to miss lay ups. don’t they teach Basketball fundamentals in Phys-Ed anymore? Jesus. which leads me to…
- Fundamentals are dead. I remember being short and fat. So i had to develop fundamentals to keep up with the kids over 6′3. I worked hours on my left-right dribbling skills, on my bank shots. I never pretended I was Michael Jordan, I pretended to be Charles Barkley setting mean blind side screens and rebounding. Because everyone 1)is right handed and 2)sucked, i always had a free lane to the basket as long as I went left.
- No one can dribble with their left hand. WTF? Why are kids driving the left baseline right-handed and tryin to finish with the right? Can you say ‘BLOCK CITY’?
- Everyone is concentrating so hard on scoring that they always missed the easy pass. Sometime, one more pass can make all the difference. Having a foot in the paint doesn’t give one the right to spin away from the hope and shoot a fall away. BITCH, I’m right here on the low block with my hands up. PASS ME THE BALL!
- I knocked down many short range jumpers simply because everyone was in the paint waiting for me to crash into the paint and finger roll over 5 defenders. Not gonna happen.
- There’s always one mouth on the court. He always picks me because I’m built like a small bus. And I always leave him in the dust sucking air.
- My jumper is still only good out to the 3 point line. I’m better off screens and in traffic.
- My brother has a good jumper from anywhere… but lets not let him handle the rock.
- I’m too old to run for 3 hours. I stretched before AND after the game. I drank a gallon of water and ate 2 bananas… I still woke up at 4am with cramps. DAMN!
- I need to find a court packed with old men who appreciate the pick-and-roll.
All in all, I think I’m still good enough for a 2nd pick.
February 25th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
demonicume
It seems the fundamentals aren’t being taught either in the high schools or college nowadays. That being said my Euro and South American buddies appear to have it down pat. But that’s my judgement at this juncture. With regard your fitness regimen . Are you also doing calisthenics as part of your workouts ? Just keep it up my brutha ! And know this what you’re doing is admirable as it’ll be appreciated by your family in the long run.
If not for the wife and family then I above all else you’re doing it for your own self satisfaction.
tophatal ……..
February 25th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
I stopped playing because pick-up people seem determined to destroy the game of basketball. But I’ll be ready for the RSB Olympics.
February 26th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Back in the 90’s I’d play pick up ball with guys I worked with at seedy apartment complexes. Normally I was the only white guy on the court, yes I did hear “look out for Larry Bird” and “let the scrubs guard whitey” If the scrub stood there waiting for me to move, I’d pop one over him, and if he got up in my face they always fell for that cheesy “Larry Bird fake”
I too was able to handle the ball with both hands(that doesn’t sound right) and I remember guys from the other team getting on the scrubs “caint you guard dat white boy?” And the scrub would say “I caint guard him when he dribbles with the left”
WTF?
I also remember when I was pushing 30, some guys fresh out of HS wanted me to play pickup ball for a couple of hours. It was outside and about 90deg.
The next day if felt like I’d been hit by a truck, I’ve never felt that bad with the flu.
February 26th, 2008 at 9:44 am
shooter b
If a RSB Olympics were to be inaugurated what event would you enter ? Javelin toss , soapin’ down the Jessica Biel and Alba simultaneously ? Or would there be an event that you’d invent entirely just for yourself ?
Me, personally I tend to think that the former of soapin’ down Biel and Alba would definately a favorite amongst us guys.
It’s something that may well be worth thinking about at some time in the future. If we can’t get the real thing then we could for their look alikes instead.
tophatal …………