Shots From The Darkside

Are medical repairs and medications any different then steroids or HGH? I mean, Curt Schilling is a hero because played baseball on a surgically repaired ankle while hopped up on Cortisone (A steroid) and pain killers. If he really was injured and shot up on Corty, I’m pretty sure you could have hit that ankle with a bat and he wouldn’t have felt a thing. I didn’t notice him limping too badly. I mean, jeez-us, I rolled my ankle 2 months ago and my shit still hurts when I make a sudden move and I’m in way better shape than Fat-Boy Schilling. I wish i had a shot right now.

What about performance enhancing contact lenses? Nike has spent millions developing the Maxsight Line of glasses that reduce glare against backgrounds like the sky. But they’ve also developed contact lenses designed to help players overcome the natural obstacles to their crafts. Normal corrective contacts worn to enhance vision or change the color of your eyes only cover the iris. They don’t help against blue light, which is what reduces contrast and increases blurred vision. Maxsight contacts reduce glare by 50% and enhance ball visibility at the plate.  You literally see the spin of the ball as it comes home.

We blast athletes for using artificial means to overcome physical limitations for strength and speed. But what about things that affect even more basic parts of the game like reaction time and the ability to track a fat moving object?  It’s not correcting a defect like poor muscle grain; it enhances a player’s normal visual abilities and gives him a direct advantage over pitchers.

How is that any different?

Demetrius Summers - a former Carolina RB - has earned a spot with the CFL’s Calgary Stampeders. I’m happy for the guy, and I’m always happy to see someone pursue a dream.

This guy was kicked off the team for multiple hot piss tests. I can’t hold it against him because he was working in the Lou Holtz system. Carolina, if you’ve been counting, i the 3rd of 4 teams that LouH has left in shambles. This kid was the greatest player in the history of the state. Coming out of high school, he had looks coming from every major college in the country.

He didn’t hesitate to commit to Carolina (to my knowledge).

But he was fucked up from day one. Lou Holtz players don’t go to class. They don’t study. They don’t pass exams. The difference between a Holtz led team and Spurrier team is easy to spot just check the Columbia Police blotter. I shudder to think what this guy would have done if he’d had a real coach to guide him.

Watching the kid run was amazing… he’s not a little guy. But he was shaking SEC linebackers out of their boots. I never understood that: he’s not really that fast. But in the open field, he punked defenders. It was sick. The only thing he couldn’t do was block. He got pulled from several games for missing key (read: easy) blocks.

Being here in Columbia, I’ve crossed paths with many people who know the guy. I haven’t heard anything bad about him. He DOES have a bunch of kids, though. One chick I worked with at NCR came in bragging o everyone who’d listen about how she’d scored with him. They became a thing and being the ghetto bitch that she is - she got into many altercations with other women. Soon, she joined the Demetrius Summers’ Baby Mama Club.

He’s going to need this paycheck.

So the women and children are in bed, time to blog!

5. Federer opens Wimbledon in style… Looks like Federer is about to dominate another Wimbledon. Here’s my deal with Fed - he’s garbage on clay. Some people say he’s the greatest. I came up on Michael Chang, Jim Connors, Andre Agassi and Boris Becker. I NEVER took Pete Sampras seriously. After watching Boris B. dive for 5 consecutive volleys against Change - how could I take Mr. Quits-A-Lot seriously? In his career, he rarely ever came back from behind. Petey had his game, but he was a quitter. When he lost, he lost BIG. I Federer ain’t playing nobody. He’s playing scrubs with high velocity serves and naught else. I miss Jimmy Connors flat lining the ball. I miss Michael Change whipping 2-handed, inside-out, baseline shots. Becker was my man. He married a black woman from France back when interracial marriage was still illegal. Can you believe in that interracial marriage was illegal in our lifetime? WTF, mate?

Anyways, as long as Fed keeps getting his ass handed to him on clay, I can’t take him seriously. He has more skill than most of my favorite players. But Jim Connors and Johnny Mac woulda given this mook fits. Jimmy Connors had the best return in tennis history. Take away Fed’s server and he has to rely on a mediocre volley game… which is why he sucks on clay. I would have loved to see J-Mac charge the net after drop-shutting a return.

4. James, Bryant to lead US team… Many people are talking mad shit about our Olympic team. Look, the entire world has contrived to beat us. They changed the rules of the game to make it difficult for American players specifically.

• They widened the lane into a pentagon, forcing American big men to start their drop-steps from further away. I remember learning the drop step in elementary school. We have decades of tradition built upon planting and turning into the lane. Euro big men are pussies who flop and shoot 3-pointers. The lane was widened so guys like Shaq would foul out of games.
• They allow Zone defense. Zone Defense is for pussies with no talent. It’s when you only have 2 guys who can handle man coverage and 3 wanna-bes. Straight up, the rest of the world cannot match up man-to-man with American ballerz. They HAVE to play zone to keep the score reasonable. It slows down our guards because they have to drive and dish. But then the pussy-ass Euros just plant their feet in the expanded lane (see the first bullet) and flops, drawing a charge… it’s like soccer without the bare-chested Manchester sluts in the crowd.

Our team is working uphill. These scrubs have been playing basketball all their measly little commie lives for this moment… the beat the Americans. _Fuck__em_. I say we run up the score on they pasty, white asses. Beat em by 50 points.

3. Don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk… Shaq takes shots at Kobe in rap. So-the-fuck-what? Shaq can’t rap. He tried it with the Fuschnickens. I bought his raggedy album. But I was an impressionable youth living in Orlando and Shaq was the hottest thing in basketball at the time. I didn’t know no better. How about this… my brother - Davaal - still owns the CD.

2. Imus angers Sharpton with latest race comment… oh jeezus fucking Christ! So Pacman decides that he needs a more adult moniker. Don Imus asks “What color is he?” Ok, Imus, we know: you have no concept of racial responsibility. When someone shoots up a high school and commits suicide over a girl, no one in the media goes “what color is he?” We all KNOW it’s some little white boy. Someone defrauds an entire industry of billions forcing people lose their jobs and making their stock useless… no one asks “what color is he?” We all know it’s some white guy. A cat pushes an old lady down some steps over a can of corned beef hash and $20 in singles - we know it was a black guy. Imus, mentioning it just pisses the nut-jobs off. Stop it. You did that to be a dick.

1. Slump Bustin - I heard to today that there is a club in Atlanta, Georgia for high quality fat chicks. Seriously. I heard this from a fat chick that has been there. We all know the difference between black fat girls and white fat girls: white fat girls hide their fat and cut themselves with razors. Black fat girls buy thongs and a bottle of coco butter and hit the club. I gotta go to this club cuz it’s been a while since I tickled me a fat bitch. Too long, I say. When you’re an international playa like me, you don’t even need 5 or 6 beers to roll in confectioner’s sugar with a bundle of love. All you need is a Snicker’s bar to bait the trap, some KY and a whole lot of lovin. Fat chicks - black and white - LOVE the soul pole.

I have to post a second time today because the tenor of my original post was cacked-up. It was a stupid post whining about Whitlock.

Looking at it, I realize I was just bitter. My pussy was hurting because:

• my gal has been out of town for like a week with her USAR Unit. So i ain’t been gettin none
• i’m lone with the boy. that means I couldn’t do nothin fun all week.
• My lady will be home in an hour (driving from Charlotte, NC) now I gotta cook a real dinner so it doesn’t look like we’ve been eating fast food for a week. FUCK.

Then, at the local Piggly Wiggly - and I don’t mean Lisa’s bathroom - I saw a beautiful thing: Beer on sale on a Sunday. Oh yeah, baby - that’s what I’m talking about, ya’ll. I almost cracked one in the parking lot. We Southerners have been suffering under ridiculous Blue Laws for decades. I haven’t been able to buy a case of beer on Sunday as long as I’ve lived here.

No moreQ

This is my tribute to how much more awesome this football season will be because people won’t be calling me all sunday morning to go to fort jackson for them. I’ll be able to do an authentic beer run during a half time show.

We will never run out of beer during a cookout again!

Yuengling anyone?

PS. And in case youre wondering, I’m stewing some chicken and serving it with gravy on white rice… i’m a bit country.

I must confess: I’ve been stalking Jason Whitless. It started out as a small obsession. I would hit up the Golden Carols and Ryans Steakhouses around feeding time at ESPiN. I could never get a clean shot, though. He’s what I like to call a Tremenda-asshole. He’s got muffin-top and moobs. One shot is all I’d prolly be able to squeeze off before some Indians fan - excuse me, Native Americans fan - spotted me in the bushes and called the po-po. This guy is a parasite. He taints everything with race because it’s a hot topic… he always speaks negatively because he knows that most of his readers feel the same way. It’s one thing to have negative feeling about one’s own - I’m black, I know the feeling well. It’s another thing to go all Bill Cosby with it and air everything all out in public. Jason Whitlock doesn’t slam Black people because it helps anyone. He knows damn well that our community is trying everything it can think of police its own and is making great progress. No, this guy is saying what he says to sell papers. If he were really interested in doing anything positive, he’d say these things in the community he slams every week.

Seriously. Continue reading “A Blogger Darkly: Whitlock II”