Shots From The Darkside

Today will be witness to the beginning of the end here in SC. Game Day is already a mess which consumes the entirety of the city. I still live in Columbia, so I know better than to head anywhere near the South Side within 3 hours of the game. Every road is diverted towards the stadium. For good or ill, all traffic is pointed towards Williams Brice.
So we got Carolina against LSU. I think we have a shot with appropriate game calling and some luck. The game is here in Columbia, SC. But what’s that across the street from the stadium? The muthafuckin Fair Grounds – and this is the last weekend. It’s going to be a mess. The Fair sells its parking to football fans. So now we have 90k football fans, clashing with 10k women and brats standing in line and eating elephant ears. This should be great.

There are also $200,000 condos surrounding the stadium. I don’t know who convinced these guys it’d be a good idea to live in the shadow of the stadium. But they shoulda fuckin asked me. Come Gameday, you can’t even leave your own gated parking lot for all the rednecks and RVs. That part of the city is shutdown for games. You better have all the beer and chips you need by Friday evening, cuz you’re stuck til after midnight on Saturday.

But it gets worse – Gamecock basketball starts today. It’s not even November yet! Jezuz-titty-fucking-christ. Would it be possible for us to only play 2 sports at a time? It’s still baseball season. It’s still college football season. The NFL is just heating up. The NBA is starting. Now the Gamecock basketball players will miss tonite’s game.

The basketball game means that out upscale bar district will be fraught with Lexuses and SUVS with foreign stickers. That will draw out coppers in squads of 12, which means I’ll actually have to call a cab tonite to get home from the bar.

There will be a cluster fuck here in Columbia, SC tonight. Believe it.

For the past week, I’ve been listening to my athletic Director beg for money on every public forum available to him. I’m too tired to go into the details, but I’m tired of it. Money doesn’t buy wins, but it does buy some things:

• Quality equipment and good staff to ensure our athletes are getting the best physical educations possible.
• quality facilities that meet minimum safety standards
• Good coaches (Spurrier) who know what they’re doing.

Beyond that, money has very little to do with winning. We can add 15k seats to Billy Brice Stadium, but that won’t make Carlos Thomas a shutdown CB. He has the talent, but not the will. I hear that NFL scouts have been seen at his place for 2 years now. This guy is already planning his end zone dance. Building million dollar condos next to the stadium won’t make Mike Davis hold on to the ball. It won’t stop Darth Visor from calling a toss sweep in his own end zone or from calling 3 consecutive pass plays while his runners are averaging 8 yards a carry.

I heard a caller talk that Tennessee is dropping a quarter billion on its spots facilities. This clown said that big time sports teams have big time facilities. Right now we have the egg preceding the chicken. Schools like Southern Cal and Miami can have billion dollar gyms because they’ve won big time games, - not the other way around.

The time to reward our players is when the offensive line blocks consistently… when we don’t blow leads in big games… when we finish a season as strong as we start it. Until then, you stupid football players will have to deal with preferential housing, specialized tutoring centers and almost-bleeding edge sports facilities.

You stupid Gamecock fans have to realize - the athletic director doesn’t life weights, catch balls or make takes. The ONLY thing he can do is sit around and beautify things. For him, the answer is money. He sees the money big time programs spends and equates that with winning.

To dispell that rumor, one need olnly look at A-Rod or the Houston Texans.

Until then, we’ll be that cat on the basketball court with the hot Jordan’s, the matching Nike Jumpsuit and leather ball who can’t play worth a damn.